Thursday, 10 July 2008

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire

I love hearing what children have to say. Most of the time they're honest, quick and funny - their innocence wrapped around their little shoulders like a sweet-smelling garland.

Not so the girl next door, who is a total liar. She doesn't just slip in the odd forgiveable fib like most kids do; she pukes out one big fat fabrication after another, like turbo-charged projectile verbal vomit, reeking rot dripping in bile and not welcome in our house.

It's astonishing to hear her. She's nearly 10 and old enough to know better, but she's clearly got issues. She's nice in some ways, and usually she and my daughter get on brilliantly. But by golly she doesn't half talk some shite.

Here is a fresh selection dredged up from the vomitorium of stinking lies she's spewed out recently:

"My dad's car takes diesel and it costs £300 to fill it up"

"I looked in an encyclopedia to see what robbers eat, and it said horse meat"

"My mum lets me take my duvet to school so I can sleep in class if I want"

"I can have anything in the world I want, whatever it costs"

"I was the first baby ever to be born after 4 o'clock in the afternoon"

"I can't play with my toy push-chair because my cat jumped into it last night, did a poo in it, and then broke it"

"I was in the garden and put my hands out to see if it was raining, and a bird's egg fell right into my hands"

Surprisingly, the girl next door's nose is still quite small.

27 comments:

  1. Hahaha! Wow GBS!
    It sounds as if she will glide towards adulthood with a first class degree in Bullshit!
    Maybe someone can rescue her!
    All the very best!

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  2. I love what children have to say, somtimes they don't get the credit they deserve.

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  3. Funnily enough I was thinking of posting about the little words my son used to say as a child - probably next week.

    Thanks for your comments on my blog - try and keep boyfromoz under control - I can't!

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  4. Ah you should see the photo of her in the attic ...

    I would think her parents are in need of therapy .. or that nasty Super Nanny person

    :-Daryl

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  5. Daryl made me laugh ... Dorian Gray.

    We have some like that in our neighborhood. I'm mean and tell them right to their face I know they're lying. And you'd think I'd be more understanding with them, as I was a big fat liar for a time, as a child.

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  6. I'd watch that minx - she sounds like a juvenile Queen of Manipulation and Half-Truth already. Before you know it your daughter will be covering her shady tracks. The Terminator has a friend just like that...Blogthatmamax

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  7. I have heard all sorts of things. My granddaughter (after a weekend camping in the rain) told me that daddy had given the tent away and they were NEVER ever going camping again. When I asked him he said it was drying out in the living room & that they would certainly be going again, but hopefully in drier weather.

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  8. Blogthatmama, thanks for the warning and yes, I do worry about her influence on my daughter. The funny thing is, she knows the girl tells lies, some of them are so obvious, and we discuss it, and talk about how much better it is to tell the truth. All that aside, they do have a lot of fun together.

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  9. She sounds like one of those children who could go either way - really get into trouble or have a sparkling career as - ooh say a politician.

    The 'having whatever she wants' is slightly worrying!

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  10. Hee hee. She's got an imagination that one, though actually, one time it was raining and I put my hand out and a birds egg did fall right into my hand.

    Ok. I'm lying.

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  11. That child may have a future in politics.

    Vomitorium is a great word!

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  12. i've encountered a child like that...yep. me thinks this girl lives in 'la la land'.

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  13. The girl will probably grow up to be a best-selling novelist.

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  14. That's some imagination though. Sounds like some cheesy character from Geri Halliwell's latest tomes (shudder)

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  15. Hey don't be too harsh on her I was born at five to midnight, so she might be right about the four in the morning thing! Mmm maybe not! Debs x
    Word veri ivegotnostrings

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  16. Oh my goodness! How does she get away with it? How come no one says to her "You're a liar!" and doesn't play?

    Such OBVIOUS fabrications (even to a 10 year old?) - she has some gumption.

    Unfortunately, frustratingly, I think you will watch the girl go far in this world... ;0)

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  17. Oh my goodness! I had a friend who did this all the time when we were growing up!
    Her parents were great (and completely confused by her tales). We actually got along really well--and still do. Probably because she's no longer a Pinocchio!
    Good luck with yours!

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  18. SHE NEEDS LOTS OF LOVING SAD DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON HER, HELP HER.DON'T WALK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THR ROAD.YOUR CHILD MAY NEED HELP ONE DAY.

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  19. My daughter had a friend like that, she used to tll the most amazing stories, but luckily said daughter saw straight through them and used to enjoy telling me the latest works of fiction.

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  20. Sounds as though the girl has a vivid imagination...a rather scary one, counseling may be in order!
    Sandi

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  21. I see a best-selling novelist in the offing!

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  22. I had a friend like that when I was a teenager - told everyone she had a twin brother who was away at boarding school. Once I discovered she didn't, I gave up on the friendship.

    As my kids say now, "Liar, liar, firepants."

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  23. There is still time for her nose to grow.

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  24. I HATE little girls like that - or boys come to that. Can't stand rubbish fat fibs coming out of the mouths of babes. They get a mouthful from me back, that's for sure! Wouldn't have this one in the house - but tricky if she's The Girl Next Door. Keep an eye...I know you will. She probably needs a therapist - but so will your daughter if she continues to be subjected to this sort of nonsense. It's tantamount to bullying.

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  25. Lordy, what cobblers! Definite feelings of inadequacy...and poss. neglect!

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  26. In person she may be annoying, but in print, she fabulously interesting!

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