Bereft: adj. deprived of or lacking something, (of a person) lonely and abandoned, esp. through someone's death or departure.Nobody died. But I still feel bereft since leaving the sheep-dotted hills of Cheshire three and a half months ago. Moving back down south was the right thing to do, but God how I miss my friends.
When we moved north in 1999, I didn't know anyone. Then I got pregnant, went to ante-natal classes, and life improved. There were some wonderful women in my group, all first time mothers, all "more mature" in our 30's. The two blonde bombshells I bonded most with were fiery and outrageous; they made me laugh and cared about me. We filled the long days at each others' houses drinking tea - and wine when necessary - while the babies and toddlers played, screamed and squashed food into the furniture. Our houses were always a mess and the chaos became normal after a while, like water off a duck's back. We knew the details - and I mean details - of each others' lives: how much sleep we'd had, what time everyone woke up, what colds and rashes the babies had, who was constipated, what we'd cooked for the freezer, how much weight we'd put on. Not to mention sore milky boobs, each others' sex lives (or lack of), birth scar progress, the state of our finances, very little was not shared. The baby years would have been so much harder without my friends.
Big G - who's wise - says that solid friendships are formed by enduring hardship together. The handful of buddies I've hung onto since college will also be friends for life because we faced and survived the poverty line, bad skin, broken hearts, drunken messes and freezing cold, slug-infested student houses together. We had some legendary adventures too.
Times change, and people move on. I'm lucky to be living near my family now ... but God how I miss my friends.
When you have very little children, it is easier somehow to make friends! I think it takes a bit longer in the south to get to know folk.
ReplyDeleteI originated in the north & people there seem extremely friendly.
I'm sure you will eventually make many new friends but it takes a while. You won't forget the old ones, though!
My friends have always been and will always be friends.
ReplyDeleteI choose them carefully, so I know exactly what you mean.
You choose your friends. That's the difference. It's personal and you then invest so much into the friendships because they need both of you to work at it. Like a marriage.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. Well written. I was writing loads more but gave up. I was rambling again!
That's the great thing about the internet, though. It really does seem to shrink the miles. I have friends all over the world, but I know it's not the same as being able to have tea and wine together whenever you want.
ReplyDeleteMy mum-in-law is from Chester.
While you children are still young enough, you will still be able to make new friends. I gets harder when you hit real middle age and your kids have left home and you don't have that common bond with other women.
ReplyDeleteI moved after my kids had grown up and I found it hard to create a new circle of friends, You must be able to find some activities that you really enjoy and hope to find some people you can bond with through them.
Well I know what you mean. Feeling bereft of friendship is awful. I've endured death of a close friend and relocation too. Obviously one is more final, but the other is hard too, no more coffees in Starbucks putting the world to rights, no more moaning to a willing ear. But as the Big G says, friendships do last that have been through the trials of growing up, marriage, kids, money etc. It's just hard not having the easy availability of that physical shoulder to lean on. Tears roll down my cheeks as I write this. How the North misses the South. xx
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous, you were up awfully early! You have all the tendencies of a full-on blogger ... set it up NOW! I know you know more than most about losing friends ... big hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteI empathize with you, it's hard to leave friends behind, even when one knows they will be friends forever, because the easy daily access to friends is one of life's true treasures.
ReplyDeleteI came over from David.
Yes, I know what that's like, but you've only been gone three months. Throw yourself into school stuff and you never know, you might find some new good friends. I hope so.
ReplyDeleteI just read a similar post, not quite the same but still I recommend it highly ..its not mine but I think you'll like it
ReplyDeletehttp://tmbbi.blogspot.com/
David sent me ... tho I usually swing by for a good read
I have had a lot of friends come and go in my life-many were good friendships, some were bad. But I learned so much even in the bad that I don't regret any of them. We learn more about others and ourselves.
ReplyDeleteGreat post EPM. Close to my heart too.
ReplyDeleteI just popped in on your recommendation. I empathize completely. I've been there, as you know. Sweet Irene said it very very well. It gets harder when you get to middle age. Change: it can be exhilirating, but it can be lonely too.
ReplyDeleteFunny how our two posts sort of dovetailed.
http://tmbbi.blogspot.com/
I've lived in New Mexico for almost 15 years now, but your post brought back memories of friends in another state. I agree with Maggie May--friendships occur so naturally when you're all raising those children. It's such a huge thing to hold in common.
ReplyDeleteLovely post.
In my opinion, the friends I had during the first year of having children were the most important support group I ever had...it is essential to have other's in the same situation to share and learn from. I did the same as you - moved away from my nbf's (new best friends) - had my first child in Australia, left when he was two, had a second in London, moved to Aberdeen, went mildly mad, moved back to London, had my third. The advantage to moving is that you make new friends. The disadvantage is that to start with you don't want to and it gets a little bit harder each time. But don't despair, your old friends will always be there and in addition you'll make new ones. Enjoy the challenge xx
ReplyDeleteBut look at all the blog friends you've made!
ReplyDeleteDear Mother of this lot, you're absolutely right - this blogging lark is brilliant - I've e-met some real treasures! Things are picking up here too, I am making new friends ... but, ya know ... it takes time (and patience isn't one of my strong points). Most days I feel really positive, other days I come over all woeful. Thanks all, for coming over and commenting xxx
ReplyDeleteHow true.. I've always said that my friends were my family - and that was while I was bringing up my two on my own. What would I have done without them? Don't know.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry though, your blogging friends are a great support too. M xx.
PS. Funny how things don't change much, my Daughter had live-in slugs in her Student house too! :)
It takes a huge amount of time to make good friends. You just have to be very very patient in a new place. Meanwhile, there's always blogging...
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing like childbirth and those brilliant and terrifying early years to make you intimate and vulnerable with people, is there?
ReplyDeleteI have moved every few years and I mourn those fab friends I flitted away from so easily.
But now I am far, far away in gaucholand, and I have only just discovered how fab and vulnerable bloggers are!
Hi!