Tonight we'll go to the bonfire party where I used to go as a child. Big G will be with us so we can hang on to one child each in the crowd.Last year was so different. He was working away as usual, so I took the children on my own to the fireworks display in the quaint northern village where the children's school was. We went every year, in a big dark field up the hill from the church, where you were never very far from a sheep. In the car park field, wardens waved torches and wheels got stuck in the mud.
I found my friends - a small group of lovely mums from school - bound by the emotional bonds of small children growing up together. We used to meet for coffee and share the ups and downs of our lives. The kids ran around with their little mates, thrilled to be out in the dark and having hot dogs for tea. I remember the heat of the bonfire, the sky as it lit up and the smell of smoke as it drifted over the woods, blending in with the rain clouds on that cold November evening.
That night was 2 weeks before we were due to move back down south. Perhaps it was the loneliness, the exhaustion, or the fear of saying goodbye. Perhaps it was just overwhelming self-pity because my friends were all with their husbands and mine was so far away. Whatever the reason, I started crying and couldn't stop! Luckily it was dark and luckily there were arms to hug me and friendly faces to listen while I wept.
I can't believe a year has passed since then! I'm really looking forward to tonight.
Aw you, you made me cry. I felt your loneliness seep right through me and it was so unexpected that it was like a bolt through the heart. Then you took it all away again in a matter of a sentence by saying how much that has changesd for this year. What a truly great writer you are Southy. Enjoy your family and mostly having Big G with you tonight. X
ReplyDeleteOh.... that really got to me! But this year will be different..... you will have your man!
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it.
I found this very moving, and really connected with you because we are far away from our home in England and couldn't celebrate Guy Fawkes night last week. There was nowhere in NY to do so, no one to do it with! It has always been one of our very favourite traditions, going back to my childhood, and we minded desperately that we couldn't celebrate it. So, I kinda feel that you were celebrating it for us...I hope you enjoyed it and would love to hear about it!
ReplyDeleteBella :)
Oh how time heals. I hope you remember the warmth of the friendship too and enjoy your evening tonight with your man back with you.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a great time GBS!
ReplyDeleteI too have felt like that a lot, feeling lonely as I am often alone... it's New Year's Eve that always gets to me, when I have visited the beach at Copacabana together with friends and almost 3 million strangers the fireworks are going off at midnight with classical euphoric music playing all along the beach and I look up into the sky, think about my family in the UK and my Mum in heaven and cry my eyes out.... that time of year gets me every time! x
Oh sweet girl...I hope your bonfire was more of happy one this year. Having been a military wife, I know about the separations...any separation in a family is rough...here's to happy families!
ReplyDeleteSandi
I'm so glad that you have something happy to look forward to - well you will have been already, so I hope that it was good! I understand being alone, I celebrate almost everything just with my carer here as I can't get out of bed. I will be in the same house as my family for Christmas, so they pop in and out, but they sit down for Christmas dinner at the other end of the house, and I share mine with my carer. There is always a moment where I wish that we could all be together, even when we are only divided by a few walls.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that I do normally have company for is my birthday, my Mum and step-Dad come over and we have a Chinese take-away together in my room - a special night for me! And this year my sister maybe with us as well, which would be really exciting. Something for me to look forward to!!
Oh you made me fill up. It must have been so hard. I'm really glad you were feeling good about this year.
ReplyDeleteWhat a moving post.
ReplyDeleteLonely is one of the saddest emotions, I am so happy its been replaced with anticipation of FUN
ReplyDelete:-Daryl
We have to remember the not so good times in order to be able to appreciate the good times. Hope you enjoyed Bonfire Night this year.
ReplyDeleteThe weather here on Saturday night was very wet and there did not seem to be many fireworks going off. Hope you had better weather in the south.
Beautiful post and very moving.Congratulations on POTD
ReplyDeleteDear friend, passing by here again to say congratulations on David's Post Of The Day!! x
ReplyDeleteHi GBS - was that the Pott Shrigley fireworks? If so, I was there last year too...
ReplyDeletex
Just catching up, and this post caught my eye - such a moving post too! I missed that bonfire night (I know where you mean and I've been every year except last year) and therefore missed your tears. But I'm glad there were others around to hug and give you comfort :).
ReplyDeleteHow time flies ;-)